{Two Weeks Plus into a New Year} What Are You Up To?

There is always something going on!

This year has started out with a bang and it's going down!

• Published a book before the end of last year.
• Created a website for my business Soul On Purpose
• Trademarked both Soul On Purpose and The Write Way! 
• Filed my LLC: Tanefa S. Wallace LLC!
• I am working on several books…

Supermom is about to get focused tho.

{The Santa Story} NO! He Isn't Real!

As the season draws nearer to Christmas, my son is always full of questions about Santa and how he delivers gifts and where he lives and he goes on and on…

My answers have been suspect to my own ears and circumspect to his which is probably why he has so many more questions!

He'll say, "So Mom - Is Santa real?"

I usually say something like, "Well, Santa lived a long time ago…"

Man… Its hard tho. I realized that many of my cyber friends and real life friends were grappling with the same issues. - To tell or not to tell… Many of the parents who never put up the facade or changed their modus of operandi said that they did so because they tired of lying to their children and didn't want to give their children the impression that lying was a good idea nor did they want to tarnish their good image!

This year I decided to forgo the fairy tale and let him in on a little bit of truth:

I am Santa Claus! Or Ms. Claus to be exact! He loved that one!

BUT

It didn't seem like the right thing to say…

So I had to clean it up a bit and say, "There is no Santa, Joe. He may have lived a long time ago and helped the poor and gave out gifts, but the reason for the season is Christ not Santa and I am the one who buys you gifts in remembrance of Christ's birth."

Of course I then had to explain so I went on to tell him that we celebrate Jesus by putting an angel on the tree to represent the angel who spoke to the Three Wise Men and we give each other gifts to represent and celebrate His birthday and sacrifice to us in coming in the flesh, to save us from ourselves.

I know that many of these traditions are Pagan in their origin and even the date of His birth was in Spring. Yes, I know this. BUT I also know that I want to exalt and celebrate His coming with my children and Christmas is the only game in town!

We don't particularly go for the commercialism of the season and I don't say X-Mas because that too takes away the meaning of the celebration! I mean you can't have Christ-mas without being a Christian! It's a private party for The Lord and no party crashers are allowed! LOL! Although many do try to take Christ out of Christmas, me and family we will worship and praise The Lord.

Anywho - if you want to see how we celebrated Him this year - check out my blog That NY Naturalista for more details!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

~Super Faye

At Summer's End {Back to School}

Tomorrow is back to school for my little and my big!

[PICS TO FOLLOW!]

One is off to UMBC to study psychology and the other to Pre-First grade.

(What's THAT you say? - I will explain in another post)

I am excited and to be honest a little sad.

They are both growing up so quickly, before my eyes I am catching glimpses of who they are going to become and it makes my heart ache that I won't have them as they were or are ever again.

I am going to have to work on multiple streams of income in the coming years like never before! I have my plan set up though - I am going to release a book before the end of the year hopefully as well as obtain my graduate licensure so that I can practice counseling with supervision!

I thought to myself today -

Why are you putting yourself in such a bind so that your littles can be educated?

I remembered something - They deserve the best I can do. The very, very, very best I can do, and until I am dead and gone I will do my best to make sure they are prepared to be their best and for me that means education and exposure to different cultures and ways of living beyond Blackness.

This is not to say that they shouldn't know what Blackness means and how being Black shapes their lives and futures and their very existence, but that they need to be exposed to people and places and things that are not Black in their presentation so that they are able to move in a room of people of all nationalities and be comfortable in their own skin.



Stay balanced and blessed,
Faye BBS...

End of the School Year Happenings! {UPDATE: I Have Been Balanced but Busy}

It's not that I haven't wanted to post...

It's just that...  My daughter graduated from high school!

My son moved on from kindergarten and is attending a private school for the 1st grade!

I was set free from my Candyland job or rather I Django'd my way up out that camp! 

I'm working summer school... Getting that good good summer money - 

AND 

I am at 50K plus words on my novel!

I have less than 10K words and 6 chapters left to my book The Wayward Wife!

I am hoping to get it done before my birthday in August!

LET'S GO!

~Faye
Balancing Being Super

Graduations and Transitions

I know I don't post here very often and my lack of time to share just what goes on, is a testament to just how busy my life is!

I have a Natural Conceptions event coming up, (more info on that soon), I'm planning a new tee-shirt line and I was planning for an open mic that got rescheduled (thank God). I have a graduation, prom and a ceremony for my son in his transition from kindergarten to first grade!

Aside from all of that things are so well.

Myself and the kiddies and another Super mom N'Zinga (also a Naturalista) on Mother's Day

We have been friends for about 14 years and our daughters are both going to college in the fall! It's a good feeling to have moms on the same path in your vicinity to discuss the things that go on with our children and the things we have to deal with as mothers like handling college tuition, whether to allow them to move away for school at all, whether or not to allow them to take out more than 10K in loans, loving and cherishing them but allowing them to blossom into their own.

I am excited about what this year is bringing! There are so many transitions and milestones being met! 

Let's see what 2013 has in store for me and my family:

• I turn 40!
• My daughter turns 18!
• My daughter graduates from HS and goes to college!
• My sister turns 30!
• My son goes to 1st grade and was accepted to Boys Latin!
• I am in LOVE (I thought I'd sneak that in there...lol)

Reflective Parenting

As a mom of two children who are of disparate ages, I notice that my parenting is quite different now than it was when I was a younger parent. I am much more cognizant of what I say to my son and how I encourage him than I was with my daughter. It makes me think about where I was in my life when I had her and even my decision making process for having her to begin with!

I was young, in college full-time in the Brooklyn Rockaways and working two jobs, in two different parts of New York City (mid-town and the village) and living at home with my mother and two sisters when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.

Needless to say, my life was about me and what I wanted without much thought to anyone or anything else.

I raised her how I knew best. I put her in private school, moved to the best neighborhoods for school choices and she was my constant companion for a long while. I read books on how to care for her and did my best, but at the same time, I never actually reflected on my practices or how what I did with her affected her as a person or her development as an individual.

As a single parent, it was difficult but in retrospect it was difficult even when her father was present and somewhat accountable. He traveled for business and was rarely home; so even though we were in a committed relationship and he called our house home, I was in charge of the child rearing and we never really communicated on what would be done with and/or for her.

With my son things are quite a bit different.

Although I am still a single parent, I am much more grounded and responsible in reference to what I do and say around my son (and daughter). I was never a drinker or much of a smoker or even a partier after I became a mother..

Hmmm.....I did have that short stint with clove cigarettes... They were exotic! - Sue me, I never did it around my daughter... So there.

In retrospect, there are several things I would do differently. I would tailor my parenting and responses to my daughter to fit her personality and not what I thought was right but what she really needed, which I didn't understand or know really - lol -

So...

Maybe, I wouldn't have been able to all that huh...

But - I can know and do better next time with the next child or even do better now with my son, which I already am.

SuperMom

Knockdown/Dragout AKA College Applications

My usually laid back and respectful teenaged daughter has lost her mind about this whole process.

She has the impression that she can go to whatever school she chooses to without regard for the financial toll it will take on the family and every time I bring up going to school in state, she acts as if I am undermining her dreams.

WHAT?

I paid for a private school education for the last 6 years of her life so that I wouldn't have to pay for college and she is acting like I am supposed to just shell out 35K for her to live this dream life she has in her head about living in NY as a college student. Not only do I not have that kind of money, I wouldn't do it anyway.

Acceptance Package with 21K Merit Scholarship Attached!

The school costs 55K for out-of-state students to attend with ALL costs considered and 35K without room, board, books or expenses. They gave her 21K, in merit aid but NEED based aid awards have been doled out yet....

We have gotten into several screaming matches (yes, I lost my cool) where she is accusing me of not caring about her, her education or what she has planned for her future...

Well, on that last one there - she's right!

I don't care particularly about what she has planned for her future, because her lack of wisdom or understanding about the world makes her unfit to plan more than what she thinks she wants to major in! And usually, that changes too after freshman year!

Don't get me wrong. I allowed her to choose her schools and she chose some really nice ones but she didn't choose the ones here in MD with the care she should have and as a result, she needs to apply for a few more - just two more. She wants the going away experience, but chose two school in MD that are 20 minutes from my home in the city?

No. Not going to work, (see above paragraph about the whole making plans for her future...)

Right.

So at this point, its war.

All out, knockdown, drag out - WAR!

What she doesn't know, is that I have allies and I am about to get them in on this so that a treaty can be put into place and two more schools can be applied for ASAP!

I am calling the College Counselors onto the battle field of College Applications!

They are going to have to counsel and cajole her into a thorough understanding of these facts:

1. I am her mother, and as such am responsible for her education, she is not
2. She may need to stay in-state (for undergrad) due to financial constraints
3. She needs to put more effort into the schools chosen for in-state as she may very well wind up there if the school she really wants to go to, doesn't give up the financial aid!

Emailing them right now...

Stay sane,

~Faye

BBS

College and First Grade Acceptances!

Okay, so we all know I have a college bound senior right??!!

Then... You must also know that I have a first grade bound kindergartener as well!

If you are new to this blog, I have two children and they are 12 years apart.

This is the year of reckoning as one of them is leaving the nest to become a (semi) adult and the other one is JUST starting out in first grade and its application time for them both!

I am pro-active parent and as such I have worked tirelessly to afford them the best education possible within my means. For my Big-little, that meant living in the county where the schools are up to par and then segueing into an independent school (AKA - Private School) for middle and high school. For my Little-little that means starting the independent school search for him NOW. He now attends one of the BEST schools but there are 37 kindergarteners in one room and his attention is not good enough (I don't ANYONE'S would be THAT MANY 5 year olds in one place) for him to excel the way I am sure he could with more one on one attention.

Which is why I actually started last school year for my boy little, as I wanted him to start in kindergarten at one particular school but he wasn't ready and they weren't accepting him.  >_<
That was hard for him (and me) to take, but we decided - I asked him for input, to reapply to that school and another one as well so that we can at least have some balance around the decision making process and his acceptance.

For the Big-little it's a little more complicated; she's a teenaged girl...

Go figure o-O.

She wants to go to school in NY, I want her to go to school in Maryland. Little Miss Contrary. SMH

Anyway, to our great surprise and delight, lo and behold - WE GOT AN ACCEPTANCE TODAY!! From her "real" choice in NY - St. John's University at that! She has a reach school - NYU and two other schools in NY - Fordham and Eugene Lang; Fordham being her second "real" choice.

And...

Wait for it....

They gave her 21K in MERIT SCHOLARSHIPS! PER YEAR!!!!!

***insert happy/praise/shout/dance right here!***

POW! That's what I'm talking about! That independent school education was worth it!

The only thing (or two) is that:

1. The tuition for out of state with room and board is 55K+
2. I don't have 35K in change to spare for her education

Sooooo, when I bring these critical facts to the table, she shuts me down. I told her last night, that I wanted her to apply to Salisbury State as it's a blue ribbon MD school that has so much to offer in the way of her education and fits her criteria of being at least 2 hours away (she has some nerve!).

Hopefully, she will see the light and not be bitter if she doesn't get enough aid to go to St. John's. I told her -

"Look, we are going with whichever school gives you the BEST financial aid package."

PERIOD.


Love your littles,
BBS

Letters and Blends!

I just checked out this new Summer activity on a post from Krazee 4 Kindergarten! It's amazing (and so is the blog if you are a mother or a teacher) and I cannot wait to get those cards in the mail! POW!

Her Teacher's notebook store has stuff that you might love as well as these cards I am getting from her!

Trials and Errors

My daughter just stood in my face and said, "Well, you know about displacement."



This whole conversation has been about her behavior over the past 2.5 years. It's been horrible; mood swings, temper tantrums, screaming at her brother, nasty attitude, disrespectful, talking out of the side of her mouth like she wants me to smack her face off.

We've done therapy both secular and Christian and it all boils down to this:

Her father.

She attempted suicide on Father's Day last year, but that was only a part of the rising action it seems because her behavior seems to be the same and the subsequent therapy's effects have not been long lasting.

Well, what about her father you ask?

Just about everything; he's an ex-con who was extremely well off due to his illegal activities, who now works in the food industry making pennies. His self-esteem is in the toilet because his money isn't where it was and he doesn't actually know how to be a father because he never had one. In a nutshell, he's lost and he isn't he best role model for her, which is obvious to her at this juncture.

Wait! What? Why did I, in all of my fabulousness, choose someone like that? Well, I was broken at one time in my life and he was what I thought was a friend; in actuality he wanted me to be a trophy girlfriend and when I began to step out of that role and find my voice, things got real dicey between us. He attempted to kill me and we broke up.

The end....

For us.

But for his daughter who he begged me to have, because believe it or not - I am pro-choice and having her was not my first one, it's just beginning. I think the reality of who he is and what he isn't, has finally came to roost in her mind and it's driving her crazy to have to really think about him as he is and accept him.

Side note: Last night she told me she thought I was Aaliyah and he was Biggie Smalls when she was little...smh (shelteredchildren.com)

Back to the matter at hand: I want her to be able to reconcile their relationship without displacing her anger at him on me and her brother.

Funny thing is, my daughter already knows that's what she's doing hence the statement that started this post.

Now, I just pray that she will be able to not only know it, but control herself enough to stop...

I love my children...

I love my kids!

They are the best thing I have ever done with my life...

No. I mean really THE BEST THING.

They are the only thing I can say that I have done, aside from being a teacher, (which I actually came to in a similar fashion - haphazardly and BLESSED) that actually challenges me to be a better person daily!

Having my children is something that causes me to actually STOP, THINK and SEE how my actions affect my surroundings, be it positive or negative and I am truly grateful for them choosing to come through me to assist me on my journey.

I just pray that I am offering them a fraction of the enlightenment they are offering me in return...

Side bar-I think that metacognition and existentialism go hand in hand...

My KIDS

Why do I love them?

Let me count the ways...

Their sense of humor
Their smiles
Their quirkiness
Their intelligence
Their love
Their hugs
Their kisses
Their beautiful faces

THEM!

They are so sweet and wonderful....

Thank God they are mine....

Everything Old, Is New Again

Okay, so I took him out of his old daycare but something was not sitting right with me. I did my usual pop-ups and early pick-ups to clarify my suspician. It seemed like everytime I turned around there was something missing from Joseph's things; a juice cup, a yankees cap with his name stitched into the back, and then his sheet. It seemed like gross negligence was occurring even with two teachers.

After investigating I found:
1. One teacher was absent frequently.
2. The absent teacher was actually the one who was the class leader and the one who was left was an assistant with low tolerance for children and a nasty disposition.
3. Someone other than these two fed them lunch and put them down for nap (inconsistent supervision)
4. HIS SHOES WERE TAKEN OFF AT NAP AND NOT PUT BACK ON HIM!
5. Apparently some boy named Kendall was bullying my son! This boy hits the teachers and according to the frequently absent teacher - she asked for help several times but he not only is allowed to run around and hit teachers, he also hits other students and calls them names - including my son!

Game over.
Deal breaker at this point - I was done.

I pulled him out. No notice, no payment and after my complaints to the owner she was fine with that. My son didn't feel safe and even after 3 weeks - he still mentions this kid Kendall and has exhibited some of the same behaviors! I am so PISSED!!

His old daycare provider took him back, Thank GOD! And after explaining to her what he had experienced, she stated that she would work with him in his adjustment back to being himself...

Did I say Thank GOD? Well, that is what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving. Good Daycare providers. Amen.

DAY CARE BLUES!

Okay, so I changed my son's daycare...

Not sure if it was the right thing to do, but its done. I have to admit he seems to be picking up more reading skills and his letter/number recognition is improving, but they are not organized and his things have been misplaced and/or lost. I am torn.

No really, I am TORN!
I want to take him out of there so effin bad! LOL!!

But my list of places that will be nurturing is short.

My list of things I/he requires is quite long! LOL!

Ahhhh... The joys of motherhood.

My Little Gods

As I sit down to my laptop after reading this wonderful blog entry about kids and them being God's little messengers of...

- Mommy, Can I have my lollipop now??
- After nap time Joseph.
- But I am hungry Mommy...
- You are not and the lollipop will be there when you wake up....

All while I am trying to make this post and his sister is trying to put him down for nap AFTER LUNCH!! (He is not hungry! - LOL)

As a poet, writer and teacher, the interruptions are endless and the children seem to concoct - -- ARGGHHH why did you just do that!!
-- Mom he just hit me with his head!! I cannot deal with him ANYMORE!! - ways to interact at what seems to be the most inopportune time.

But I see now, God's will is always in play and even when our will or our ego or to do list seems to be more pressing, our little Gods are here to remind us - they are not.

It seems in a world where everything is made available instantaneously via web, cells, and television, we have become increasingly self centered and I must admit although my to do list is expansive, my job as a parent is at the top of the pile.

Now to only get the time to fit it all in!!

Honey, Child!

My mother always told me you get more with sugar than $h@T but I have noticed that I am prone raging outbursts when it comes to my daughter's inability (seeming) to follow directions or to listen to what ask her to do. Then her flare-ups of attitude and blatant disrespect push me over the edge!

In talking to my Reiki Master about my personal life, I told her that my daughter and I are having major issues. I think she is lazy and thoughtless and she thinks that I am mean and evil!

My Reiki Master suggested that my daughter's Cancer sign is easily turned off and tunes out when I go into a fit of Leonine rage over her behavior... Then she becomes rebellious; either by ignoring what she is told to do because she didn't like the way it was delivered (the NERVE!) or talks back because she feels she is being trampled upon - Those Cancer Crab claw know how to pinch a nerve I'll tell you!!

It makes sense. I mean in typical Leo fashion (I am a a double Leo - Leo sun and rising) I have BIG LOUD OUTBURSTS that would make anyone run for cover!! But in my mind they are harmless expressions of my quickly fading (sometimes at the tail end of my tirade even!) anger.

She said in effect - "Honey child, you have to use honey, child."

I am practicining being more thoughtful before I speak in the manner of our president Barack Obama - also a fellow Leo! Watching how he has kept his cool under fire over the past two years; especially in light of the recent BP oil spill and Tea Party hijinks, has given me inspiration and hope for my own ability to remain cool, calm and collected. In addition, I will need to remember to add a little honey to sweeten the deal!

This is going to be inperative to how my daughter and my relationship unfolds in the future, so pray for my ability to hold my tongue and keep my anger in check!

The Working Single Mom Blues

This week or even really the past two years of single working mommyhood has been extremely ROUGH! My littlest one seem to be a bug magnet and my being absent from work has caused me untold grief.

Well, let me TELL the kind of grief having an ill child can cause especially in my profession where you have to deal with not only an administrator but parents and children's educational welfare -

Having to choose who or what is more important is the heartbreaker. My children come first, but as an educator, every child's life I touch is my child as well and there are times when I have to make decisions that impact both (my at home children and those at school) of their lives.

Case in point, my son has been sick at least 4 times this year, my taking off work to care for him - even in this day of H1N1 scares and daycare centers closing their doors in your face if your child has a runny nose or slight cough, my employer has no empathy. I was told that I take 4 days off everytime I am out and there seems to be a pattern! LOL! I was really upset. My son has to be fever free AND mostly symptom free in order to return to daycare! This means the infection/fever has to run its course - which if you have children, you know that can be anywhere from 4- 7 days. None of this is taken into account with my employer.

Don't let me get sick! OMG! ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE! LOL! Unfortunately, due the stress at my job (which I am managing much better due to my change in perspective, more on that later) I also became extremely ill twice this year - Shoot even my 14 (soon to be 15 year) old got in on the action!

Being a transplant in this city makes things worse because there are no Aunties (young enough), sister-friends who stay home during the day to assist with his care. Thank and praise God that all of my good friends are employed, but where does that leave me when I need someone to look after MY ill son and really, who would I REALLY want to leave him with if he is not well?? That is a MOMMY JOB!!!!!!

What job can I have that will be understanding in time like this? Is there one? It makes me re-think being a single mother that doesn't work at home or for herself. Or even just wanting a husband that can take care of us in terms of finances while my children are small. I know some of you might think (and I have a dichotomy of thought on this myself) that I am taking us back to the pre-suffrage days but that is not my intention at all...

I will admit that I am beginning to understand why teachers were all women and perhaps became spinsters at one time or when they got married, left the profession...

Its hard to have children and be responsible for 60-120 more that are not your own, but feel like they are...

I can't imagine what it would feel like if I worked in corporate America and had this same problem. I assume I would just have a lot of days without pay and perhaps have to account for the time with doctor's notes as I do now but perhaps without so much of the backlash....

What do you think??

Not So Terrible Two's

Well he is two now.... A big boy! Terrible is not even the word for his behavior to be honest. Its more like determined to get my way no matter what!!!

Talking to Teens about Accountability

Okay so my 14 year old and I don't see eye to eye on things... GO FIGURE! She hates chores but wants me to buy her everything she asks for, she loses all of her electronics: cell phone, Nintendo DS, iPod you name it, she's lost it or fried it and wants me to re-purchase or find or replace in some way shape or form.... I refuse. I hold her accountable but she calls me mean! GO FIGURE!! LMBO!!

Well, at church on Sunday, Bishop talked about how we are all accountable to someone - First to God, then ourselves and next our family members. He said children are accountable to their parents!! We are ALL accountable to SOMEONE! I found myself looking at her out of the corner of my eyes and noticed that she was rapt! I kind of nudged her a little bit and nodded.

I cannot tell a lie, although I was caught up in the sermon for my own issues, I FELT VINDICATED!!! THANK GOD! and the chuch says AMEN!!

Bitter

I was bitter.

Didn't even know it until my son asked for his daddy and I said "You don't have one."

Simple and plain. My daughter was talking to her sometimes okay halfway on time father and my son, who at 2 is very astute, said "I wanna talk to Daddy, Mommy." To which I replied "You don't have one - you have a God Daddy." Was I wrong? DEAD ASS wrong actually, but did I feel that - YES.

He has seen his father twice since he was three months old, and he has bought him pampers once. To me, that means he doesn't exist.

But he does, and no sooner had I said that he called. From jail no less. To profess his undying love for me and wishes to do things different in the 09! LOL God is a real comedian.

Baaaack to the bitterness.

I cried like a baby after all of this, because I felt the heartbreak all over again - Had to let that go, remember the healing, call my girlfriend, get my mind wrapped around that forgiveness and love real tight, then go get me a Soy Chai Latte!

Then today in church (chuch- lol), my Bishop hit me square between the eyes with the sermon about being a victim. I must admit, I was convicted. I do my best with keeping my joy but I must admit the situation with his father is a sore spot and the Enemy knew. I have had my share of problems over the past 8 months or so but it has been increasing steadily to this fevered pitch of crap that has kept me on my knees to keep me sane and functional. No complaints, God Is Good - ALL the time. And know I have the victory but in matters of my heart, I am sometimes confused with no model or standard to follow...

Anywho...

I know now that I have to forgive this dude, for real, in order to get past being hurt and give someone else a genuine chance of loving me the way I deserve. I need to stop being so cautious and afraid of being hurt but keep my common sense in play... Walking that thin line is going to be hard but I already claim the victory!

Ain't Nobody's Business if You Do (Or Don't)

Have another child or not??? I don't know about any other mothers out there but I think this woman below has a lot of issues. Either have one or not already! I think low self esteem is the issue here which is why some people are pushed to perfectionism fear of inadequacy...

Check out what she has to say and the comment from another mom that WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE with - a lot of wit in her response too..

Date:Thu. Mar. 20, 2008
My son is at the age where people are asking me (and sometimes him!) if Im thinking to have another. Quite frankly I have pretty rigid views of parenting (all informed by an overly academic approach to the subject) and because of these views I just cant 'wing it' and have a second. I work full time on non parenting issues (I specify this because quite frankly all moms work full time...just some of us have to squeeze a paying job into that one) and my husbands job doesnt pay enough for me to give up my job. So, this would mean daycare at 6 weeks or 3 months which is entirely unacceptable for me since Im a firm believer in attachment parenting. Aside from this issue lies an even deeper issue: fear of failure. I am such an overly obsessive parent that Im afraid if I have two I would never be able to meet their needs and would hence fail. Any advice from other perfectionists (or the more relaxed) would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

A little about me:

an older mom with lots of child experience but only one son who is three


Date:Fri. Mar. 21, 2008
First of all, if you only want to have one child, then that's just fine. Being an only child has its advantages. Just because someone asks you, "So, when are you going to have another?" doesn't mean that 1) you have to have another or 2) that you owe them a detailed explanation about why you may or may not want another one. Just smile vaguely and say, "Oh, when my partner and I decide what is best for our family." End of discussion.

About fear of failure: Just having only one is no guarantee of success or failure either! You can in no way predict the future and see how your little one may turn out despite (or in spite of) all your efforts. Not that I in any way want to encourage you to have another child if you really don't want one, but sometimes the best cure for an obsessive parent is to have a second child. You are forced to let go of all those silly notions of being the perfect mother. A relaxed mommy is a better mommy. And really, you need to tamp down your ego - you aren't a perfect mother now. No one is. We all do well in some areas and not in others. Such is human nature. Rigidity, obsessiveness, and blind adherence to parenting skills learned through books isn't exactly the recipe for being the perfect mother anyhow. On top of that, being an obsessive parent will drive your kid crazy eventually.

I can't figure out if your problem is an enormous ego or low self-esteem. Either way, take comfort in the fact that about a bazillion women before you have had more than one child and managed to turn out very fine human beings. Again, I don't recommend having a second if you really don't think you'd enjoy it, but having a sibling also has huge advantages for the existing kid. Just a tip -- it isn't always a good thing for a child to be doted on, given undivided attention, or obsessed over. Learning to share (attention, toys, chores, etc.) is a good thing.

Every mommy with only one child has thoughts along the lines of, "How on earth will I manage a second one when the first one takes up all my time?" But it really isn't that hard and will be enriching to everyone involved. If you want a second one, you will find your way.

A Day in the Park

This is one of the first nice days this year so I took the kids to the park and we had some fun!!

My Work Out Incentive... LOL!!

I am so unmotivated to workout which is so unlike me. I am in a funk.... Maybe because I am not getting any. What does a single mom have to do to get some quality companionship?? LOL!!

The Biggest Experiment

I wish I had more readership. "The Herd" needs to know that we are the subjects of a great experiment that toys with our food sources on the fundamental level: genetically. Please click the link on this post as it will explain in frightening detail how the pesticides have been genetically encoded into our food. CORN, SOY, WHEAT and other grains that are used in almost EVERYTHING!!!!!!

The US is the ONLY developed country that DOES NOT REQUIRE LABELING OF THE PRODUCTS CONTAINING THESE PRODUCTS!!!!

My son has allergies to peanuts, eggs and dairy. I have a cast iron stomach and although I may have expected for him to have maybe eczema or even asthma because I have both (although I acquired asthma through a lung infection so it is not really clinically asthma). This level of allergies in unheard of in my family medical history. Between my unwitting consumption in-vitro of GMO products, male predisposition to genetic problems (known fact men have a harder time with little self protections) and the immunizations I am afraid I contributed to his acquisition of these medical problems.

I admit I was a little slow on the draw as far as the immunizations were concerned but I noticed that he changed after the 9 mos shots and I did a little research because I had to make of what the hell was going on... I should have noticed earlier when he got the 3 mos shots because that is when the allergies began to present themselves. I was a little slow though because although he is not my first, my daughter is going on 13 yrs old and with her I fed her Earths Best (back when NO ONE knew about it and I had to go all the way to East Village to purchase it!).

Who I am most upset with is his doctor. Although I read the literature on the shots, NOWHERE DID IT SAY - MAY CAUSE AUTISM OR SEVERE ALLERGIC REACTIONS TO ORDINARY FOODS!!

MAYBE BECAUSE THE ORDINARY FOODS ARE NO LONGER ORDINARY.....

Joseph Can TALK MAN!!!

He has been talking and walking at alarming rates I haven't even been able to keep up! I have decided to just get it all down for posterity's sake because he is just becoming a little boy in front of my eyes! NO longer the little baby who waited and cried to get what he wants; he now demands it with words like "stop that" and "eat-eat"!!

Full List

Thank you
Stop that
Eat-eat
Hi
Hello
Gone-Gone (with a little wave - he refuses to say bye-bye for now but the concept is the same as far as he's concerned once you leave your gone!)
Cracker (for his snacks-not the other meaning I WOULD NOT teach him that...lol)
He sings Mary J Blige's "Fine" chorus with the whooo on the end! ( No I was not listening to it adnauseum!-lol just a lil bit though)
Come here
Yeah
Oh-oh (when he drops or throws something down)
Uh-uh (for no and when he doesn't want any more food)
All gone
Hot (when he gets near the stove and when I am cooking)

Flicks and Pix!!

The break free kid! Joseph wiggled his way out of the swaddling!

Sink baths are the best!

Cool Pose

Joseph aka Lil Baby Jojo

Here he is at 11 days old!




Fresh out of the womb!

Babyshower Pix Finally Added!!!!!

Here are some photos of the baby shower... me, the cake & my pins...

I have been AWOL and I know I suck for it. But it is grading time and I am WIPED OUT! I can hardly concentrate for all the things I have to do. Maybe I am taking on too much (my m.o.) but I just finished one class and started another this past Saturday and because of my hand being injured I cannot write in class, grade papers and be on the blog too!!!! I can only do the necessary things in short spurts of time so this has definitely feel to the wayside...

Next week I am going to upload some photos of me from my babyshower its Novemeber 12th. I haven't linked the camera up to the computer so that will be done this week and the photos from the babyshowerwill be on the site next weekend.

The shower is going to be GREAT! I can't wait. It will be in NY and with all of my family and old friends from NY and college invited; it will be a great party even if I don't get a thing!!!!!!!!!!!

If you look closely you can see that he was moving!


I didn't notice it until my best male friend said that they were all different...

I thought that they were all alike but we went out for lunch the same day I got it done and I was so excited I didn't look that closely.


He is very active and above average wieght as far as Baby Center says he should be 5 oz but he is 7 oz which is encouraging.

So.... I had a sonogram...

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am so happy that my intuition is still in tune. His name will be Joseph Christopher Langston Wallace. Yes, that is 3 names. Tihira has three as well. Tihira Rael Angelina Turrell.

I may name him Christopher Joseph Langston but he is named after my grandfathers that are no longer with us (Joseph & Langston). I didn't get to know at all (Langston) and one I loved (Joseph). My daughter is named after my grandmother (she was born on her birthday!!) and herself (lol).

He is so active it is ridiculous! He would not be still for the songram and the tech kept trying to get me to turn over on my left side because she thought he might calm down and change his position. He didn't!!

He was (is) in breech position stepping all over my internal organs mind you and wiggling all about. I read on one of my many websites that the movement is the baby learning about thier surroundings and helps create brain connections critical to their intellectual development ---- I guess he is going to be a genious!!!!!!!

So, Why a "Second - Time" Single Mom???


Trust and believe this was not a planned pregnancy. If it were left up to me, I wouldn't have any more children for another 3-4 years but I was careless and in my moment of indiscrestion, conceived a child.

Choices, choices one might say, but I made a promise to myself and to my God that I would not have another abortion (yes another- I said it!), that I would protect myself and if I failed at protecting myself, I would be responsible for the situation and life that I create.

That leaves me where I am today. Although I wish the circumstances were different, I know that things will work themselves out the way they should because I believe and have faith that they will.

No, they are not by the same father. No, I am not "with" either father. Yes, I know that this is probably going to be the most difficult undertaking of my life alone. Even with my first born, her dad was there and still is the best way he can, but the new life will have to probably go without his/her dad because of the situation and their (the father's) perception of what is going on. He would like to play the blame game and of course I am the one to blame because I can make this all go away with a trip to the Dr's office. Regardless of how that trip will leave me trippin' and perhaps slippin' into a deep depression. He feels the world revolves around him and his needs which is why we weren't actually together at the time of conception.

- It was one of those Luther moments ala "Rock Me Tonight For Old Times Sakes..." kind of thing that got out of hand when it came time for protection on both parties ends.

Needless to say, (or perhaps I should anyway) I love my child preconception and will never love them any less because of the circumstances they came to be. As the bible says we are all born of sin - some just a little more than others...

Pregnesia!!
Pregnesia- this is a condition that pregnant women get that causes severe amnesia and the inability to focus or concentrate on anything for more than 5 min. Kind of like ADHD but more like a preocupation with things internal and nesting and other background tasks your mind does to maintain the life of the baby...
I have a SEVERE case of this disease!!!! I actually lost my digital camera. I have NO IDEA where it could be but I know I had it in my house and I hid it from myself when I was cleaning up. I know what your thinking - maybe someone stole it... 

Only my soon to be born child's father has been here. Hmmmm.. you might say, (my girlfriend said "you better watch his ass you never know") why not him? but I just don't think he would stoop that low.
I misplaced my MJB cd and for weeks I could not find it anywhere! I just knew he had taken it and thrown it out of the window (he hates her - lol - hey wait a minute that should have been a clue to his character right there - EVERYBODY LOVES Mary!!) but I found it in the cd case of another damn cd - where I put it cleaning out the car....
The other day, I sat down the phone and for the life of me didn't know where the hell it was, guess where??
....the linen closet.
I am offically a space cadet.
yep pregnesia strikes again.

Silly Names!!!

Silly Names!!!

I just realized that have posted very little about my growing belly!! 

I am showing just a lil bit but my sisters have taken to calling "the belly" - "lil eddie"!! 

My mother is so appalled it is ridiculous!!!!!!! 

My cousin (who is like 40 or so) just has a son and she calls him "lil eddie". I think that is why mother is so mad. She hates it!! 

LOLOLOLOLOL... So of course the two right after me call him that more! My youngest sister said she would call "the belly" "lil joe-joe" instead after I told her I will name him Joseph Langston after my two deceased grandfathers. 

At first she said "Langston!! EWHHH!!" I am going to call him that "hey lil langston" in a really irritating voice. LOL she is so silly...
I just re-read and realized that I am calling this baby a boy, I hope that if it is a girl she doesn't feel any kind of way about that... 

I just have a feeling that it is a boy though and my sister (the one who is the prayer warrior and psychic) says she thinks so as well - she said she just knows and I believe her.