Reflective Parenting

As a mom of two children who are of disparate ages, I notice that my parenting is quite different now than it was when I was a younger parent. I am much more cognizant of what I say to my son and how I encourage him than I was with my daughter. It makes me think about where I was in my life when I had her and even my decision making process for having her to begin with!

I was young, in college full-time in the Brooklyn Rockaways and working two jobs, in two different parts of New York City (mid-town and the village) and living at home with my mother and two sisters when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.

Needless to say, my life was about me and what I wanted without much thought to anyone or anything else.

I raised her how I knew best. I put her in private school, moved to the best neighborhoods for school choices and she was my constant companion for a long while. I read books on how to care for her and did my best, but at the same time, I never actually reflected on my practices or how what I did with her affected her as a person or her development as an individual.

As a single parent, it was difficult but in retrospect it was difficult even when her father was present and somewhat accountable. He traveled for business and was rarely home; so even though we were in a committed relationship and he called our house home, I was in charge of the child rearing and we never really communicated on what would be done with and/or for her.

With my son things are quite a bit different.

Although I am still a single parent, I am much more grounded and responsible in reference to what I do and say around my son (and daughter). I was never a drinker or much of a smoker or even a partier after I became a mother..

Hmmm.....I did have that short stint with clove cigarettes... They were exotic! - Sue me, I never did it around my daughter... So there.

In retrospect, there are several things I would do differently. I would tailor my parenting and responses to my daughter to fit her personality and not what I thought was right but what she really needed, which I didn't understand or know really - lol -

So...

Maybe, I wouldn't have been able to all that huh...

But - I can know and do better next time with the next child or even do better now with my son, which I already am.

SuperMom

I love my kids!

They are the best thing I have ever done with my life...

No. I mean really THE BEST THING.

They are the only thing I can say that I have done, aside from being a teacher, (which I actually came to in a similar fashion - haphazardly and BLESSED) that actually challenges me to be a better person daily!

Having my children is something that causes me to actually STOP, THINK and SEE how my actions affect my surroundings, be it positive or negative and I am truly grateful for them choosing to come through me to assist me on my journey.

I just pray that I am offering them a fraction of the enlightenment they are offering me in return...

Side bar-I think that metacognition and existentialism go hand in hand...

Honey, Child!

My mother always told me you get more with sugar than $h@T but I have noticed that I am prone raging outbursts when it comes to my daughter's inability (seeming) to follow directions or to listen to what ask her to do. Then her flare-ups of attitude and blatant disrespect push me over the edge!

In talking to my Reiki Master about my personal life, I told her that my daughter and I are having major issues. I think she is lazy and thoughtless and she thinks that I am mean and evil!

My Reiki Master suggested that my daughter's Cancer sign is easily turned off and tunes out when I go into a fit of Leonine rage over her behavior... Then she becomes rebellious; either by ignoring what she is told to do because she didn't like the way it was delivered (the NERVE!) or talks back because she feels she is being trampled upon - Those Cancer Crab claw know how to pinch a nerve I'll tell you!!

It makes sense. I mean in typical Leo fashion (I am a a double Leo - Leo sun and rising) I have BIG LOUD OUTBURSTS that would make anyone run for cover!! But in my mind they are harmless expressions of my quickly fading (sometimes at the tail end of my tirade even!) anger.

She said in effect - "Honey child, you have to use honey, child."

I am practicining being more thoughtful before I speak in the manner of our president Barack Obama - also a fellow Leo! Watching how he has kept his cool under fire over the past two years; especially in light of the recent BP oil spill and Tea Party hijinks, has given me inspiration and hope for my own ability to remain cool, calm and collected. In addition, I will need to remember to add a little honey to sweeten the deal!

This is going to be inperative to how my daughter and my relationship unfolds in the future, so pray for my ability to hold my tongue and keep my anger in check!