Reflective Parenting

As a mom of two children who are of disparate ages, I notice that my parenting is quite different now than it was when I was a younger parent. I am much more cognizant of what I say to my son and how I encourage him than I was with my daughter. It makes me think about where I was in my life when I had her and even my decision making process for having her to begin with!

I was young, in college full-time in the Brooklyn Rockaways and working two jobs, in two different parts of New York City (mid-town and the village) and living at home with my mother and two sisters when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.

Needless to say, my life was about me and what I wanted without much thought to anyone or anything else.

I raised her how I knew best. I put her in private school, moved to the best neighborhoods for school choices and she was my constant companion for a long while. I read books on how to care for her and did my best, but at the same time, I never actually reflected on my practices or how what I did with her affected her as a person or her development as an individual.

As a single parent, it was difficult but in retrospect it was difficult even when her father was present and somewhat accountable. He traveled for business and was rarely home; so even though we were in a committed relationship and he called our house home, I was in charge of the child rearing and we never really communicated on what would be done with and/or for her.

With my son things are quite a bit different.

Although I am still a single parent, I am much more grounded and responsible in reference to what I do and say around my son (and daughter). I was never a drinker or much of a smoker or even a partier after I became a mother..

Hmmm.....I did have that short stint with clove cigarettes... They were exotic! - Sue me, I never did it around my daughter... So there.

In retrospect, there are several things I would do differently. I would tailor my parenting and responses to my daughter to fit her personality and not what I thought was right but what she really needed, which I didn't understand or know really - lol -

So...

Maybe, I wouldn't have been able to all that huh...

But - I can know and do better next time with the next child or even do better now with my son, which I already am.

SuperMom