Knockdown/Dragout AKA College Applications

My usually laid back and respectful teenaged daughter has lost her mind about this whole process.

She has the impression that she can go to whatever school she chooses to without regard for the financial toll it will take on the family and every time I bring up going to school in state, she acts as if I am undermining her dreams.

WHAT?

I paid for a private school education for the last 6 years of her life so that I wouldn't have to pay for college and she is acting like I am supposed to just shell out 35K for her to live this dream life she has in her head about living in NY as a college student. Not only do I not have that kind of money, I wouldn't do it anyway.

Acceptance Package with 21K Merit Scholarship Attached!

The school costs 55K for out-of-state students to attend with ALL costs considered and 35K without room, board, books or expenses. They gave her 21K, in merit aid but NEED based aid awards have been doled out yet....

We have gotten into several screaming matches (yes, I lost my cool) where she is accusing me of not caring about her, her education or what she has planned for her future...

Well, on that last one there - she's right!

I don't care particularly about what she has planned for her future, because her lack of wisdom or understanding about the world makes her unfit to plan more than what she thinks she wants to major in! And usually, that changes too after freshman year!

Don't get me wrong. I allowed her to choose her schools and she chose some really nice ones but she didn't choose the ones here in MD with the care she should have and as a result, she needs to apply for a few more - just two more. She wants the going away experience, but chose two school in MD that are 20 minutes from my home in the city?

No. Not going to work, (see above paragraph about the whole making plans for her future...)

Right.

So at this point, its war.

All out, knockdown, drag out - WAR!

What she doesn't know, is that I have allies and I am about to get them in on this so that a treaty can be put into place and two more schools can be applied for ASAP!

I am calling the College Counselors onto the battle field of College Applications!

They are going to have to counsel and cajole her into a thorough understanding of these facts:

1. I am her mother, and as such am responsible for her education, she is not
2. She may need to stay in-state (for undergrad) due to financial constraints
3. She needs to put more effort into the schools chosen for in-state as she may very well wind up there if the school she really wants to go to, doesn't give up the financial aid!

Emailing them right now...

Stay sane,

~Faye

BBS

College and First Grade Acceptances!

Okay, so we all know I have a college bound senior right??!!

Then... You must also know that I have a first grade bound kindergartener as well!

If you are new to this blog, I have two children and they are 12 years apart.

This is the year of reckoning as one of them is leaving the nest to become a (semi) adult and the other one is JUST starting out in first grade and its application time for them both!

I am pro-active parent and as such I have worked tirelessly to afford them the best education possible within my means. For my Big-little, that meant living in the county where the schools are up to par and then segueing into an independent school (AKA - Private School) for middle and high school. For my Little-little that means starting the independent school search for him NOW. He now attends one of the BEST schools but there are 37 kindergarteners in one room and his attention is not good enough (I don't ANYONE'S would be THAT MANY 5 year olds in one place) for him to excel the way I am sure he could with more one on one attention.

Which is why I actually started last school year for my boy little, as I wanted him to start in kindergarten at one particular school but he wasn't ready and they weren't accepting him.  >_<
That was hard for him (and me) to take, but we decided - I asked him for input, to reapply to that school and another one as well so that we can at least have some balance around the decision making process and his acceptance.

For the Big-little it's a little more complicated; she's a teenaged girl...

Go figure o-O.

She wants to go to school in NY, I want her to go to school in Maryland. Little Miss Contrary. SMH

Anyway, to our great surprise and delight, lo and behold - WE GOT AN ACCEPTANCE TODAY!! From her "real" choice in NY - St. John's University at that! She has a reach school - NYU and two other schools in NY - Fordham and Eugene Lang; Fordham being her second "real" choice.

And...

Wait for it....

They gave her 21K in MERIT SCHOLARSHIPS! PER YEAR!!!!!

***insert happy/praise/shout/dance right here!***

POW! That's what I'm talking about! That independent school education was worth it!

The only thing (or two) is that:

1. The tuition for out of state with room and board is 55K+
2. I don't have 35K in change to spare for her education

Sooooo, when I bring these critical facts to the table, she shuts me down. I told her last night, that I wanted her to apply to Salisbury State as it's a blue ribbon MD school that has so much to offer in the way of her education and fits her criteria of being at least 2 hours away (she has some nerve!).

Hopefully, she will see the light and not be bitter if she doesn't get enough aid to go to St. John's. I told her -

"Look, we are going with whichever school gives you the BEST financial aid package."

PERIOD.


Love your littles,
BBS

Trials and Errors

My daughter just stood in my face and said, "Well, you know about displacement."



This whole conversation has been about her behavior over the past 2.5 years. It's been horrible; mood swings, temper tantrums, screaming at her brother, nasty attitude, disrespectful, talking out of the side of her mouth like she wants me to smack her face off.

We've done therapy both secular and Christian and it all boils down to this:

Her father.

She attempted suicide on Father's Day last year, but that was only a part of the rising action it seems because her behavior seems to be the same and the subsequent therapy's effects have not been long lasting.

Well, what about her father you ask?

Just about everything; he's an ex-con who was extremely well off due to his illegal activities, who now works in the food industry making pennies. His self-esteem is in the toilet because his money isn't where it was and he doesn't actually know how to be a father because he never had one. In a nutshell, he's lost and he isn't he best role model for her, which is obvious to her at this juncture.

Wait! What? Why did I, in all of my fabulousness, choose someone like that? Well, I was broken at one time in my life and he was what I thought was a friend; in actuality he wanted me to be a trophy girlfriend and when I began to step out of that role and find my voice, things got real dicey between us. He attempted to kill me and we broke up.

The end....

For us.

But for his daughter who he begged me to have, because believe it or not - I am pro-choice and having her was not my first one, it's just beginning. I think the reality of who he is and what he isn't, has finally came to roost in her mind and it's driving her crazy to have to really think about him as he is and accept him.

Side note: Last night she told me she thought I was Aaliyah and he was Biggie Smalls when she was little...smh (shelteredchildren.com)

Back to the matter at hand: I want her to be able to reconcile their relationship without displacing her anger at him on me and her brother.

Funny thing is, my daughter already knows that's what she's doing hence the statement that started this post.

Now, I just pray that she will be able to not only know it, but control herself enough to stop...

I love my children...