At Summer's End {Back to School}

Tomorrow is back to school for my little and my big!

[PICS TO FOLLOW!]

One is off to UMBC to study psychology and the other to Pre-First grade.

(What's THAT you say? - I will explain in another post)

I am excited and to be honest a little sad.

They are both growing up so quickly, before my eyes I am catching glimpses of who they are going to become and it makes my heart ache that I won't have them as they were or are ever again.

I am going to have to work on multiple streams of income in the coming years like never before! I have my plan set up though - I am going to release a book before the end of the year hopefully as well as obtain my graduate licensure so that I can practice counseling with supervision!

I thought to myself today -

Why are you putting yourself in such a bind so that your littles can be educated?

I remembered something - They deserve the best I can do. The very, very, very best I can do, and until I am dead and gone I will do my best to make sure they are prepared to be their best and for me that means education and exposure to different cultures and ways of living beyond Blackness.

This is not to say that they shouldn't know what Blackness means and how being Black shapes their lives and futures and their very existence, but that they need to be exposed to people and places and things that are not Black in their presentation so that they are able to move in a room of people of all nationalities and be comfortable in their own skin.



Stay balanced and blessed,
Faye BBS...

Trials and Errors

My daughter just stood in my face and said, "Well, you know about displacement."



This whole conversation has been about her behavior over the past 2.5 years. It's been horrible; mood swings, temper tantrums, screaming at her brother, nasty attitude, disrespectful, talking out of the side of her mouth like she wants me to smack her face off.

We've done therapy both secular and Christian and it all boils down to this:

Her father.

She attempted suicide on Father's Day last year, but that was only a part of the rising action it seems because her behavior seems to be the same and the subsequent therapy's effects have not been long lasting.

Well, what about her father you ask?

Just about everything; he's an ex-con who was extremely well off due to his illegal activities, who now works in the food industry making pennies. His self-esteem is in the toilet because his money isn't where it was and he doesn't actually know how to be a father because he never had one. In a nutshell, he's lost and he isn't he best role model for her, which is obvious to her at this juncture.

Wait! What? Why did I, in all of my fabulousness, choose someone like that? Well, I was broken at one time in my life and he was what I thought was a friend; in actuality he wanted me to be a trophy girlfriend and when I began to step out of that role and find my voice, things got real dicey between us. He attempted to kill me and we broke up.

The end....

For us.

But for his daughter who he begged me to have, because believe it or not - I am pro-choice and having her was not my first one, it's just beginning. I think the reality of who he is and what he isn't, has finally came to roost in her mind and it's driving her crazy to have to really think about him as he is and accept him.

Side note: Last night she told me she thought I was Aaliyah and he was Biggie Smalls when she was little...smh (shelteredchildren.com)

Back to the matter at hand: I want her to be able to reconcile their relationship without displacing her anger at him on me and her brother.

Funny thing is, my daughter already knows that's what she's doing hence the statement that started this post.

Now, I just pray that she will be able to not only know it, but control herself enough to stop...

I love my children...