{The Santa Story} NO! He Isn't Real!

As the season draws nearer to Christmas, my son is always full of questions about Santa and how he delivers gifts and where he lives and he goes on and on…

My answers have been suspect to my own ears and circumspect to his which is probably why he has so many more questions!

He'll say, "So Mom - Is Santa real?"

I usually say something like, "Well, Santa lived a long time ago…"

Man… Its hard tho. I realized that many of my cyber friends and real life friends were grappling with the same issues. - To tell or not to tell… Many of the parents who never put up the facade or changed their modus of operandi said that they did so because they tired of lying to their children and didn't want to give their children the impression that lying was a good idea nor did they want to tarnish their good image!

This year I decided to forgo the fairy tale and let him in on a little bit of truth:

I am Santa Claus! Or Ms. Claus to be exact! He loved that one!

BUT

It didn't seem like the right thing to say…

So I had to clean it up a bit and say, "There is no Santa, Joe. He may have lived a long time ago and helped the poor and gave out gifts, but the reason for the season is Christ not Santa and I am the one who buys you gifts in remembrance of Christ's birth."

Of course I then had to explain so I went on to tell him that we celebrate Jesus by putting an angel on the tree to represent the angel who spoke to the Three Wise Men and we give each other gifts to represent and celebrate His birthday and sacrifice to us in coming in the flesh, to save us from ourselves.

I know that many of these traditions are Pagan in their origin and even the date of His birth was in Spring. Yes, I know this. BUT I also know that I want to exalt and celebrate His coming with my children and Christmas is the only game in town!

We don't particularly go for the commercialism of the season and I don't say X-Mas because that too takes away the meaning of the celebration! I mean you can't have Christ-mas without being a Christian! It's a private party for The Lord and no party crashers are allowed! LOL! Although many do try to take Christ out of Christmas, me and family we will worship and praise The Lord.

Anywho - if you want to see how we celebrated Him this year - check out my blog That NY Naturalista for more details!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

~Super Faye

At Summer's End {Back to School}

Tomorrow is back to school for my little and my big!

[PICS TO FOLLOW!]

One is off to UMBC to study psychology and the other to Pre-First grade.

(What's THAT you say? - I will explain in another post)

I am excited and to be honest a little sad.

They are both growing up so quickly, before my eyes I am catching glimpses of who they are going to become and it makes my heart ache that I won't have them as they were or are ever again.

I am going to have to work on multiple streams of income in the coming years like never before! I have my plan set up though - I am going to release a book before the end of the year hopefully as well as obtain my graduate licensure so that I can practice counseling with supervision!

I thought to myself today -

Why are you putting yourself in such a bind so that your littles can be educated?

I remembered something - They deserve the best I can do. The very, very, very best I can do, and until I am dead and gone I will do my best to make sure they are prepared to be their best and for me that means education and exposure to different cultures and ways of living beyond Blackness.

This is not to say that they shouldn't know what Blackness means and how being Black shapes their lives and futures and their very existence, but that they need to be exposed to people and places and things that are not Black in their presentation so that they are able to move in a room of people of all nationalities and be comfortable in their own skin.



Stay balanced and blessed,
Faye BBS...

End of the School Year Happenings! {UPDATE: I Have Been Balanced but Busy}

It's not that I haven't wanted to post...

It's just that...  My daughter graduated from high school!

My son moved on from kindergarten and is attending a private school for the 1st grade!

I was set free from my Candyland job or rather I Django'd my way up out that camp! 

I'm working summer school... Getting that good good summer money - 

AND 

I am at 50K plus words on my novel!

I have less than 10K words and 6 chapters left to my book The Wayward Wife!

I am hoping to get it done before my birthday in August!

LET'S GO!

~Faye
Balancing Being Super

Graduations and Transitions

I know I don't post here very often and my lack of time to share just what goes on, is a testament to just how busy my life is!

I have a Natural Conceptions event coming up, (more info on that soon), I'm planning a new tee-shirt line and I was planning for an open mic that got rescheduled (thank God). I have a graduation, prom and a ceremony for my son in his transition from kindergarten to first grade!

Aside from all of that things are so well.

Myself and the kiddies and another Super mom N'Zinga (also a Naturalista) on Mother's Day

We have been friends for about 14 years and our daughters are both going to college in the fall! It's a good feeling to have moms on the same path in your vicinity to discuss the things that go on with our children and the things we have to deal with as mothers like handling college tuition, whether to allow them to move away for school at all, whether or not to allow them to take out more than 10K in loans, loving and cherishing them but allowing them to blossom into their own.

I am excited about what this year is bringing! There are so many transitions and milestones being met! 

Let's see what 2013 has in store for me and my family:

• I turn 40!
• My daughter turns 18!
• My daughter graduates from HS and goes to college!
• My sister turns 30!
• My son goes to 1st grade and was accepted to Boys Latin!
• I am in LOVE (I thought I'd sneak that in there...lol)

Reflective Parenting

As a mom of two children who are of disparate ages, I notice that my parenting is quite different now than it was when I was a younger parent. I am much more cognizant of what I say to my son and how I encourage him than I was with my daughter. It makes me think about where I was in my life when I had her and even my decision making process for having her to begin with!

I was young, in college full-time in the Brooklyn Rockaways and working two jobs, in two different parts of New York City (mid-town and the village) and living at home with my mother and two sisters when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.

Needless to say, my life was about me and what I wanted without much thought to anyone or anything else.

I raised her how I knew best. I put her in private school, moved to the best neighborhoods for school choices and she was my constant companion for a long while. I read books on how to care for her and did my best, but at the same time, I never actually reflected on my practices or how what I did with her affected her as a person or her development as an individual.

As a single parent, it was difficult but in retrospect it was difficult even when her father was present and somewhat accountable. He traveled for business and was rarely home; so even though we were in a committed relationship and he called our house home, I was in charge of the child rearing and we never really communicated on what would be done with and/or for her.

With my son things are quite a bit different.

Although I am still a single parent, I am much more grounded and responsible in reference to what I do and say around my son (and daughter). I was never a drinker or much of a smoker or even a partier after I became a mother..

Hmmm.....I did have that short stint with clove cigarettes... They were exotic! - Sue me, I never did it around my daughter... So there.

In retrospect, there are several things I would do differently. I would tailor my parenting and responses to my daughter to fit her personality and not what I thought was right but what she really needed, which I didn't understand or know really - lol -

So...

Maybe, I wouldn't have been able to all that huh...

But - I can know and do better next time with the next child or even do better now with my son, which I already am.

SuperMom

Knockdown/Dragout AKA College Applications

My usually laid back and respectful teenaged daughter has lost her mind about this whole process.

She has the impression that she can go to whatever school she chooses to without regard for the financial toll it will take on the family and every time I bring up going to school in state, she acts as if I am undermining her dreams.

WHAT?

I paid for a private school education for the last 6 years of her life so that I wouldn't have to pay for college and she is acting like I am supposed to just shell out 35K for her to live this dream life she has in her head about living in NY as a college student. Not only do I not have that kind of money, I wouldn't do it anyway.

Acceptance Package with 21K Merit Scholarship Attached!

The school costs 55K for out-of-state students to attend with ALL costs considered and 35K without room, board, books or expenses. They gave her 21K, in merit aid but NEED based aid awards have been doled out yet....

We have gotten into several screaming matches (yes, I lost my cool) where she is accusing me of not caring about her, her education or what she has planned for her future...

Well, on that last one there - she's right!

I don't care particularly about what she has planned for her future, because her lack of wisdom or understanding about the world makes her unfit to plan more than what she thinks she wants to major in! And usually, that changes too after freshman year!

Don't get me wrong. I allowed her to choose her schools and she chose some really nice ones but she didn't choose the ones here in MD with the care she should have and as a result, she needs to apply for a few more - just two more. She wants the going away experience, but chose two school in MD that are 20 minutes from my home in the city?

No. Not going to work, (see above paragraph about the whole making plans for her future...)

Right.

So at this point, its war.

All out, knockdown, drag out - WAR!

What she doesn't know, is that I have allies and I am about to get them in on this so that a treaty can be put into place and two more schools can be applied for ASAP!

I am calling the College Counselors onto the battle field of College Applications!

They are going to have to counsel and cajole her into a thorough understanding of these facts:

1. I am her mother, and as such am responsible for her education, she is not
2. She may need to stay in-state (for undergrad) due to financial constraints
3. She needs to put more effort into the schools chosen for in-state as she may very well wind up there if the school she really wants to go to, doesn't give up the financial aid!

Emailing them right now...

Stay sane,

~Faye

BBS

College and First Grade Acceptances!

Okay, so we all know I have a college bound senior right??!!

Then... You must also know that I have a first grade bound kindergartener as well!

If you are new to this blog, I have two children and they are 12 years apart.

This is the year of reckoning as one of them is leaving the nest to become a (semi) adult and the other one is JUST starting out in first grade and its application time for them both!

I am pro-active parent and as such I have worked tirelessly to afford them the best education possible within my means. For my Big-little, that meant living in the county where the schools are up to par and then segueing into an independent school (AKA - Private School) for middle and high school. For my Little-little that means starting the independent school search for him NOW. He now attends one of the BEST schools but there are 37 kindergarteners in one room and his attention is not good enough (I don't ANYONE'S would be THAT MANY 5 year olds in one place) for him to excel the way I am sure he could with more one on one attention.

Which is why I actually started last school year for my boy little, as I wanted him to start in kindergarten at one particular school but he wasn't ready and they weren't accepting him.  >_<
That was hard for him (and me) to take, but we decided - I asked him for input, to reapply to that school and another one as well so that we can at least have some balance around the decision making process and his acceptance.

For the Big-little it's a little more complicated; she's a teenaged girl...

Go figure o-O.

She wants to go to school in NY, I want her to go to school in Maryland. Little Miss Contrary. SMH

Anyway, to our great surprise and delight, lo and behold - WE GOT AN ACCEPTANCE TODAY!! From her "real" choice in NY - St. John's University at that! She has a reach school - NYU and two other schools in NY - Fordham and Eugene Lang; Fordham being her second "real" choice.

And...

Wait for it....

They gave her 21K in MERIT SCHOLARSHIPS! PER YEAR!!!!!

***insert happy/praise/shout/dance right here!***

POW! That's what I'm talking about! That independent school education was worth it!

The only thing (or two) is that:

1. The tuition for out of state with room and board is 55K+
2. I don't have 35K in change to spare for her education

Sooooo, when I bring these critical facts to the table, she shuts me down. I told her last night, that I wanted her to apply to Salisbury State as it's a blue ribbon MD school that has so much to offer in the way of her education and fits her criteria of being at least 2 hours away (she has some nerve!).

Hopefully, she will see the light and not be bitter if she doesn't get enough aid to go to St. John's. I told her -

"Look, we are going with whichever school gives you the BEST financial aid package."

PERIOD.


Love your littles,
BBS