Ain't Nobody's Business if You Do (Or Don't)

Have another child or not??? I don't know about any other mothers out there but I think this woman below has a lot of issues. Either have one or not already! I think low self esteem is the issue here which is why some people are pushed to perfectionism fear of inadequacy...

Check out what she has to say and the comment from another mom that WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE with - a lot of wit in her response too..

Date:Thu. Mar. 20, 2008
My son is at the age where people are asking me (and sometimes him!) if Im thinking to have another. Quite frankly I have pretty rigid views of parenting (all informed by an overly academic approach to the subject) and because of these views I just cant 'wing it' and have a second. I work full time on non parenting issues (I specify this because quite frankly all moms work full time...just some of us have to squeeze a paying job into that one) and my husbands job doesnt pay enough for me to give up my job. So, this would mean daycare at 6 weeks or 3 months which is entirely unacceptable for me since Im a firm believer in attachment parenting. Aside from this issue lies an even deeper issue: fear of failure. I am such an overly obsessive parent that Im afraid if I have two I would never be able to meet their needs and would hence fail. Any advice from other perfectionists (or the more relaxed) would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

A little about me:

an older mom with lots of child experience but only one son who is three


Date:Fri. Mar. 21, 2008
First of all, if you only want to have one child, then that's just fine. Being an only child has its advantages. Just because someone asks you, "So, when are you going to have another?" doesn't mean that 1) you have to have another or 2) that you owe them a detailed explanation about why you may or may not want another one. Just smile vaguely and say, "Oh, when my partner and I decide what is best for our family." End of discussion.

About fear of failure: Just having only one is no guarantee of success or failure either! You can in no way predict the future and see how your little one may turn out despite (or in spite of) all your efforts. Not that I in any way want to encourage you to have another child if you really don't want one, but sometimes the best cure for an obsessive parent is to have a second child. You are forced to let go of all those silly notions of being the perfect mother. A relaxed mommy is a better mommy. And really, you need to tamp down your ego - you aren't a perfect mother now. No one is. We all do well in some areas and not in others. Such is human nature. Rigidity, obsessiveness, and blind adherence to parenting skills learned through books isn't exactly the recipe for being the perfect mother anyhow. On top of that, being an obsessive parent will drive your kid crazy eventually.

I can't figure out if your problem is an enormous ego or low self-esteem. Either way, take comfort in the fact that about a bazillion women before you have had more than one child and managed to turn out very fine human beings. Again, I don't recommend having a second if you really don't think you'd enjoy it, but having a sibling also has huge advantages for the existing kid. Just a tip -- it isn't always a good thing for a child to be doted on, given undivided attention, or obsessed over. Learning to share (attention, toys, chores, etc.) is a good thing.

Every mommy with only one child has thoughts along the lines of, "How on earth will I manage a second one when the first one takes up all my time?" But it really isn't that hard and will be enriching to everyone involved. If you want a second one, you will find your way.

A Day in the Park

This is one of the first nice days this year so I took the kids to the park and we had some fun!!

My Work Out Incentive... LOL!!

I am so unmotivated to workout which is so unlike me. I am in a funk.... Maybe because I am not getting any. What does a single mom have to do to get some quality companionship?? LOL!!

The Biggest Experiment

I wish I had more readership. "The Herd" needs to know that we are the subjects of a great experiment that toys with our food sources on the fundamental level: genetically. Please click the link on this post as it will explain in frightening detail how the pesticides have been genetically encoded into our food. CORN, SOY, WHEAT and other grains that are used in almost EVERYTHING!!!!!!

The US is the ONLY developed country that DOES NOT REQUIRE LABELING OF THE PRODUCTS CONTAINING THESE PRODUCTS!!!!

My son has allergies to peanuts, eggs and dairy. I have a cast iron stomach and although I may have expected for him to have maybe eczema or even asthma because I have both (although I acquired asthma through a lung infection so it is not really clinically asthma). This level of allergies in unheard of in my family medical history. Between my unwitting consumption in-vitro of GMO products, male predisposition to genetic problems (known fact men have a harder time with little self protections) and the immunizations I am afraid I contributed to his acquisition of these medical problems.

I admit I was a little slow on the draw as far as the immunizations were concerned but I noticed that he changed after the 9 mos shots and I did a little research because I had to make of what the hell was going on... I should have noticed earlier when he got the 3 mos shots because that is when the allergies began to present themselves. I was a little slow though because although he is not my first, my daughter is going on 13 yrs old and with her I fed her Earths Best (back when NO ONE knew about it and I had to go all the way to East Village to purchase it!).

Who I am most upset with is his doctor. Although I read the literature on the shots, NOWHERE DID IT SAY - MAY CAUSE AUTISM OR SEVERE ALLERGIC REACTIONS TO ORDINARY FOODS!!

MAYBE BECAUSE THE ORDINARY FOODS ARE NO LONGER ORDINARY.....