As the season draws nearer to Christmas, my son is always full of questions about Santa and how he delivers gifts and where he lives and he goes on and on…
My answers have been suspect to my own ears and circumspect to his which is probably why he has so many more questions!
He'll say, "So Mom - Is Santa real?"
I usually say something like, "Well, Santa lived a long time ago…"
Man… Its hard tho. I realized that many of my cyber friends and real life friends were grappling with the same issues. - To tell or not to tell… Many of the parents who never put up the facade or changed their modus of operandi said that they did so because they tired of lying to their children and didn't want to give their children the impression that lying was a good idea nor did they want to tarnish their good image!
This year I decided to forgo the fairy tale and let him in on a little bit of truth:
I am Santa Claus! Or Ms. Claus to be exact! He loved that one!
BUT
It didn't seem like the right thing to say…
So I had to clean it up a bit and say, "There is no Santa, Joe. He may have lived a long time ago and helped the poor and gave out gifts, but the reason for the season is Christ not Santa and I am the one who buys you gifts in remembrance of Christ's birth."
Of course I then had to explain so I went on to tell him that we celebrate Jesus by putting an angel on the tree to represent the angel who spoke to the Three Wise Men and we give each other gifts to represent and celebrate His birthday and sacrifice to us in coming in the flesh, to save us from ourselves.
I know that many of these traditions are Pagan in their origin and even the date of His birth was in Spring. Yes, I know this. BUT I also know that I want to exalt and celebrate His coming with my children and Christmas is the only game in town!
We don't particularly go for the commercialism of the season and I don't say X-Mas because that too takes away the meaning of the celebration! I mean you can't have Christ-mas without being a Christian! It's a private party for The Lord and no party crashers are allowed! LOL! Although many do try to take Christ out of Christmas, me and family we will worship and praise The Lord.
Anywho - if you want to see how we celebrated Him this year - check out my blog That NY Naturalista for more details!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
~Super Faye
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
Reflective Parenting
As a mom of two children who are of disparate ages, I notice that my parenting is quite different now than it was when I was a younger parent. I am much more cognizant of what I say to my son and how I encourage him than I was with my daughter. It makes me think about where I was in my life when I had her and even my decision making process for having her to begin with!
I was young, in college full-time in the Brooklyn Rockaways and working two jobs, in two different parts of New York City (mid-town and the village) and living at home with my mother and two sisters when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.
Needless to say, my life was about me and what I wanted without much thought to anyone or anything else.
I raised her how I knew best. I put her in private school, moved to the best neighborhoods for school choices and she was my constant companion for a long while. I read books on how to care for her and did my best, but at the same time, I never actually reflected on my practices or how what I did with her affected her as a person or her development as an individual.
As a single parent, it was difficult but in retrospect it was difficult even when her father was present and somewhat accountable. He traveled for business and was rarely home; so even though we were in a committed relationship and he called our house home, I was in charge of the child rearing and we never really communicated on what would be done with and/or for her.
With my son things are quite a bit different.
Although I am still a single parent, I am much more grounded and responsible in reference to what I do and say around my son (and daughter). I was never a drinker or much of a smoker or even a partier after I became a mother..
Hmmm.....I did have that short stint with clove cigarettes... They were exotic! - Sue me, I never did it around my daughter... So there.
In retrospect, there are several things I would do differently. I would tailor my parenting and responses to my daughter to fit her personality and not what I thought was right but what she really needed, which I didn't understand or know really - lol -
So...
Maybe, I wouldn't have been able to all that huh...
But - I can know and do better next time with the next child or even do better now with my son, which I already am.
SuperMom
I was young, in college full-time in the Brooklyn Rockaways and working two jobs, in two different parts of New York City (mid-town and the village) and living at home with my mother and two sisters when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.
Needless to say, my life was about me and what I wanted without much thought to anyone or anything else.
I raised her how I knew best. I put her in private school, moved to the best neighborhoods for school choices and she was my constant companion for a long while. I read books on how to care for her and did my best, but at the same time, I never actually reflected on my practices or how what I did with her affected her as a person or her development as an individual.
As a single parent, it was difficult but in retrospect it was difficult even when her father was present and somewhat accountable. He traveled for business and was rarely home; so even though we were in a committed relationship and he called our house home, I was in charge of the child rearing and we never really communicated on what would be done with and/or for her.
With my son things are quite a bit different.
Although I am still a single parent, I am much more grounded and responsible in reference to what I do and say around my son (and daughter). I was never a drinker or much of a smoker or even a partier after I became a mother..
Hmmm.....I did have that short stint with clove cigarettes... They were exotic! - Sue me, I never did it around my daughter... So there.
In retrospect, there are several things I would do differently. I would tailor my parenting and responses to my daughter to fit her personality and not what I thought was right but what she really needed, which I didn't understand or know really - lol -
So...
Maybe, I wouldn't have been able to all that huh...
But - I can know and do better next time with the next child or even do better now with my son, which I already am.
SuperMom
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
I love my kids!
They are the best thing I have ever done with my life...
No. I mean really THE BEST THING.
They are the only thing I can say that I have done, aside from being a teacher, (which I actually came to in a similar fashion - haphazardly and BLESSED) that actually challenges me to be a better person daily!
Having my children is something that causes me to actually STOP, THINK and SEE how my actions affect my surroundings, be it positive or negative and I am truly grateful for them choosing to come through me to assist me on my journey.
I just pray that I am offering them a fraction of the enlightenment they are offering me in return...
Side bar-I think that metacognition and existentialism go hand in hand...
They are the best thing I have ever done with my life...
No. I mean really THE BEST THING.
They are the only thing I can say that I have done, aside from being a teacher, (which I actually came to in a similar fashion - haphazardly and BLESSED) that actually challenges me to be a better person daily!
Having my children is something that causes me to actually STOP, THINK and SEE how my actions affect my surroundings, be it positive or negative and I am truly grateful for them choosing to come through me to assist me on my journey.
I just pray that I am offering them a fraction of the enlightenment they are offering me in return...
Side bar-I think that metacognition and existentialism go hand in hand...
Sunday, March 04, 2012
My KIDS
Why do I love them?
Let me count the ways...
Their sense of humor
Their smiles
Their quirkiness
Their intelligence
Their love
Their hugs
Their kisses
Their beautiful faces
THEM!
They are so sweet and wonderful....
Thank God they are mine....
Let me count the ways...
Their sense of humor
Their smiles
Their quirkiness
Their intelligence
Their love
Their hugs
Their kisses
Their beautiful faces
THEM!
They are so sweet and wonderful....
Sunday, October 03, 2010
DAY CARE BLUES!
Okay, so I changed my son's daycare...
Not sure if it was the right thing to do, but its done. I have to admit he seems to be picking up more reading skills and his letter/number recognition is improving, but they are not organized and his things have been misplaced and/or lost. I am torn.
No really, I am TORN!
I want to take him out of there so effin bad! LOL!!
But my list of places that will be nurturing is short.
My list of things I/he requires is quite long! LOL!
Ahhhh... The joys of motherhood.
Not sure if it was the right thing to do, but its done. I have to admit he seems to be picking up more reading skills and his letter/number recognition is improving, but they are not organized and his things have been misplaced and/or lost. I am torn.
No really, I am TORN!
I want to take him out of there so effin bad! LOL!!
But my list of places that will be nurturing is short.
My list of things I/he requires is quite long! LOL!
Ahhhh... The joys of motherhood.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
My Little Gods
As I sit down to my laptop after reading this wonderful blog entry about kids and them being God's little messengers of...
- Mommy, Can I have my lollipop now??
- After nap time Joseph.
- But I am hungry Mommy...
- You are not and the lollipop will be there when you wake up....
All while I am trying to make this post and his sister is trying to put him down for nap AFTER LUNCH!! (He is not hungry! - LOL)
As a poet, writer and teacher, the interruptions are endless and the children seem to concoct - -- ARGGHHH why did you just do that!!
-- Mom he just hit me with his head!! I cannot deal with him ANYMORE!! - ways to interact at what seems to be the most inopportune time.
But I see now, God's will is always in play and even when our will or our ego or to do list seems to be more pressing, our little Gods are here to remind us - they are not.
It seems in a world where everything is made available instantaneously via web, cells, and television, we have become increasingly self centered and I must admit although my to do list is expansive, my job as a parent is at the top of the pile.
Now to only get the time to fit it all in!!
- Mommy, Can I have my lollipop now??
- After nap time Joseph.
- But I am hungry Mommy...
- You are not and the lollipop will be there when you wake up....
All while I am trying to make this post and his sister is trying to put him down for nap AFTER LUNCH!! (He is not hungry! - LOL)
As a poet, writer and teacher, the interruptions are endless and the children seem to concoct - -- ARGGHHH why did you just do that!!
-- Mom he just hit me with his head!! I cannot deal with him ANYMORE!! - ways to interact at what seems to be the most inopportune time.
But I see now, God's will is always in play and even when our will or our ego or to do list seems to be more pressing, our little Gods are here to remind us - they are not.
It seems in a world where everything is made available instantaneously via web, cells, and television, we have become increasingly self centered and I must admit although my to do list is expansive, my job as a parent is at the top of the pile.
Now to only get the time to fit it all in!!
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Honey, Child!
My mother always told me you get more with sugar than $h@T but I have noticed that I am prone raging outbursts when it comes to my daughter's inability (seeming) to follow directions or to listen to what ask her to do. Then her flare-ups of attitude and blatant disrespect push me over the edge!
In talking to my Reiki Master about my personal life, I told her that my daughter and I are having major issues. I think she is lazy and thoughtless and she thinks that I am mean and evil!
My Reiki Master suggested that my daughter's Cancer sign is easily turned off and tunes out when I go into a fit of Leonine rage over her behavior... Then she becomes rebellious; either by ignoring what she is told to do because she didn't like the way it was delivered (the NERVE!) or talks back because she feels she is being trampled upon - Those Cancer Crab claw know how to pinch a nerve I'll tell you!!
It makes sense. I mean in typical Leo fashion (I am a a double Leo - Leo sun and rising) I have BIG LOUD OUTBURSTS that would make anyone run for cover!! But in my mind they are harmless expressions of my quickly fading (sometimes at the tail end of my tirade even!) anger.
She said in effect - "Honey child, you have to use honey, child."
I am practicining being more thoughtful before I speak in the manner of our president Barack Obama - also a fellow Leo! Watching how he has kept his cool under fire over the past two years; especially in light of the recent BP oil spill and Tea Party hijinks, has given me inspiration and hope for my own ability to remain cool, calm and collected. In addition, I will need to remember to add a little honey to sweeten the deal!
This is going to be inperative to how my daughter and my relationship unfolds in the future, so pray for my ability to hold my tongue and keep my anger in check!
In talking to my Reiki Master about my personal life, I told her that my daughter and I are having major issues. I think she is lazy and thoughtless and she thinks that I am mean and evil!
My Reiki Master suggested that my daughter's Cancer sign is easily turned off and tunes out when I go into a fit of Leonine rage over her behavior... Then she becomes rebellious; either by ignoring what she is told to do because she didn't like the way it was delivered (the NERVE!) or talks back because she feels she is being trampled upon - Those Cancer Crab claw know how to pinch a nerve I'll tell you!!
It makes sense. I mean in typical Leo fashion (I am a a double Leo - Leo sun and rising) I have BIG LOUD OUTBURSTS that would make anyone run for cover!! But in my mind they are harmless expressions of my quickly fading (sometimes at the tail end of my tirade even!) anger.
She said in effect - "Honey child, you have to use honey, child."
I am practicining being more thoughtful before I speak in the manner of our president Barack Obama - also a fellow Leo! Watching how he has kept his cool under fire over the past two years; especially in light of the recent BP oil spill and Tea Party hijinks, has given me inspiration and hope for my own ability to remain cool, calm and collected. In addition, I will need to remember to add a little honey to sweeten the deal!
This is going to be inperative to how my daughter and my relationship unfolds in the future, so pray for my ability to hold my tongue and keep my anger in check!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Bitter
I was bitter.
Didn't even know it until my son asked for his daddy and I said "You don't have one."
Simple and plain. My daughter was talking to her sometimes okay halfway on time father and my son, who at 2 is very astute, said "I wanna talk to Daddy, Mommy." To which I replied "You don't have one - you have a God Daddy." Was I wrong? DEAD ASS wrong actually, but did I feel that - YES.
He has seen his father twice since he was three months old, and he has bought him pampers once. To me, that means he doesn't exist.
But he does, and no sooner had I said that he called. From jail no less. To profess his undying love for me and wishes to do things different in the 09! LOL God is a real comedian.
Baaaack to the bitterness.
I cried like a baby after all of this, because I felt the heartbreak all over again - Had to let that go, remember the healing, call my girlfriend, get my mind wrapped around that forgiveness and love real tight, then go get me a Soy Chai Latte!
Then today in church (chuch- lol), my Bishop hit me square between the eyes with the sermon about being a victim. I must admit, I was convicted. I do my best with keeping my joy but I must admit the situation with his father is a sore spot and the Enemy knew. I have had my share of problems over the past 8 months or so but it has been increasing steadily to this fevered pitch of crap that has kept me on my knees to keep me sane and functional. No complaints, God Is Good - ALL the time. And know I have the victory but in matters of my heart, I am sometimes confused with no model or standard to follow...
Anywho...
I know now that I have to forgive this dude, for real, in order to get past being hurt and give someone else a genuine chance of loving me the way I deserve. I need to stop being so cautious and afraid of being hurt but keep my common sense in play... Walking that thin line is going to be hard but I already claim the victory!
Didn't even know it until my son asked for his daddy and I said "You don't have one."
Simple and plain. My daughter was talking to her sometimes okay halfway on time father and my son, who at 2 is very astute, said "I wanna talk to Daddy, Mommy." To which I replied "You don't have one - you have a God Daddy." Was I wrong? DEAD ASS wrong actually, but did I feel that - YES.
He has seen his father twice since he was three months old, and he has bought him pampers once. To me, that means he doesn't exist.
But he does, and no sooner had I said that he called. From jail no less. To profess his undying love for me and wishes to do things different in the 09! LOL God is a real comedian.
Baaaack to the bitterness.
I cried like a baby after all of this, because I felt the heartbreak all over again - Had to let that go, remember the healing, call my girlfriend, get my mind wrapped around that forgiveness and love real tight, then go get me a Soy Chai Latte!
Then today in church (chuch- lol), my Bishop hit me square between the eyes with the sermon about being a victim. I must admit, I was convicted. I do my best with keeping my joy but I must admit the situation with his father is a sore spot and the Enemy knew. I have had my share of problems over the past 8 months or so but it has been increasing steadily to this fevered pitch of crap that has kept me on my knees to keep me sane and functional. No complaints, God Is Good - ALL the time. And know I have the victory but in matters of my heart, I am sometimes confused with no model or standard to follow...
Anywho...
I know now that I have to forgive this dude, for real, in order to get past being hurt and give someone else a genuine chance of loving me the way I deserve. I need to stop being so cautious and afraid of being hurt but keep my common sense in play... Walking that thin line is going to be hard but I already claim the victory!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Ain't Nobody's Business if You Do (Or Don't)
Have another child or not??? I don't know about any other mothers out there but I think this woman below has a lot of issues. Either have one or not already! I think low self esteem is the issue here which is why some people are pushed to perfectionism fear of inadequacy...
Check out what she has to say and the comment from another mom that WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE with - a lot of wit in her response too..
Date:Thu. Mar. 20, 2008
My son is at the age where people are asking me (and sometimes him!) if Im thinking to have another. Quite frankly I have pretty rigid views of parenting (all informed by an overly academic approach to the subject) and because of these views I just cant 'wing it' and have a second. I work full time on non parenting issues (I specify this because quite frankly all moms work full time...just some of us have to squeeze a paying job into that one) and my husbands job doesnt pay enough for me to give up my job. So, this would mean daycare at 6 weeks or 3 months which is entirely unacceptable for me since Im a firm believer in attachment parenting. Aside from this issue lies an even deeper issue: fear of failure. I am such an overly obsessive parent that Im afraid if I have two I would never be able to meet their needs and would hence fail. Any advice from other perfectionists (or the more relaxed) would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
A little about me:
an older mom with lots of child experience but only one son who is three
Date:Fri. Mar. 21, 2008
First of all, if you only want to have one child, then that's just fine. Being an only child has its advantages. Just because someone asks you, "So, when are you going to have another?" doesn't mean that 1) you have to have another or 2) that you owe them a detailed explanation about why you may or may not want another one. Just smile vaguely and say, "Oh, when my partner and I decide what is best for our family." End of discussion.
About fear of failure: Just having only one is no guarantee of success or failure either! You can in no way predict the future and see how your little one may turn out despite (or in spite of) all your efforts. Not that I in any way want to encourage you to have another child if you really don't want one, but sometimes the best cure for an obsessive parent is to have a second child. You are forced to let go of all those silly notions of being the perfect mother. A relaxed mommy is a better mommy. And really, you need to tamp down your ego - you aren't a perfect mother now. No one is. We all do well in some areas and not in others. Such is human nature. Rigidity, obsessiveness, and blind adherence to parenting skills learned through books isn't exactly the recipe for being the perfect mother anyhow. On top of that, being an obsessive parent will drive your kid crazy eventually.
I can't figure out if your problem is an enormous ego or low self-esteem. Either way, take comfort in the fact that about a bazillion women before you have had more than one child and managed to turn out very fine human beings. Again, I don't recommend having a second if you really don't think you'd enjoy it, but having a sibling also has huge advantages for the existing kid. Just a tip -- it isn't always a good thing for a child to be doted on, given undivided attention, or obsessed over. Learning to share (attention, toys, chores, etc.) is a good thing.
Every mommy with only one child has thoughts along the lines of, "How on earth will I manage a second one when the first one takes up all my time?" But it really isn't that hard and will be enriching to everyone involved. If you want a second one, you will find your way.
Check out what she has to say and the comment from another mom that WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE with - a lot of wit in her response too..
Date:Thu. Mar. 20, 2008
My son is at the age where people are asking me (and sometimes him!) if Im thinking to have another. Quite frankly I have pretty rigid views of parenting (all informed by an overly academic approach to the subject) and because of these views I just cant 'wing it' and have a second. I work full time on non parenting issues (I specify this because quite frankly all moms work full time...just some of us have to squeeze a paying job into that one) and my husbands job doesnt pay enough for me to give up my job. So, this would mean daycare at 6 weeks or 3 months which is entirely unacceptable for me since Im a firm believer in attachment parenting. Aside from this issue lies an even deeper issue: fear of failure. I am such an overly obsessive parent that Im afraid if I have two I would never be able to meet their needs and would hence fail. Any advice from other perfectionists (or the more relaxed) would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
A little about me:
an older mom with lots of child experience but only one son who is three
Date:Fri. Mar. 21, 2008
First of all, if you only want to have one child, then that's just fine. Being an only child has its advantages. Just because someone asks you, "So, when are you going to have another?" doesn't mean that 1) you have to have another or 2) that you owe them a detailed explanation about why you may or may not want another one. Just smile vaguely and say, "Oh, when my partner and I decide what is best for our family." End of discussion.
About fear of failure: Just having only one is no guarantee of success or failure either! You can in no way predict the future and see how your little one may turn out despite (or in spite of) all your efforts. Not that I in any way want to encourage you to have another child if you really don't want one, but sometimes the best cure for an obsessive parent is to have a second child. You are forced to let go of all those silly notions of being the perfect mother. A relaxed mommy is a better mommy. And really, you need to tamp down your ego - you aren't a perfect mother now. No one is. We all do well in some areas and not in others. Such is human nature. Rigidity, obsessiveness, and blind adherence to parenting skills learned through books isn't exactly the recipe for being the perfect mother anyhow. On top of that, being an obsessive parent will drive your kid crazy eventually.
I can't figure out if your problem is an enormous ego or low self-esteem. Either way, take comfort in the fact that about a bazillion women before you have had more than one child and managed to turn out very fine human beings. Again, I don't recommend having a second if you really don't think you'd enjoy it, but having a sibling also has huge advantages for the existing kid. Just a tip -- it isn't always a good thing for a child to be doted on, given undivided attention, or obsessed over. Learning to share (attention, toys, chores, etc.) is a good thing.
Every mommy with only one child has thoughts along the lines of, "How on earth will I manage a second one when the first one takes up all my time?" But it really isn't that hard and will be enriching to everyone involved. If you want a second one, you will find your way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)