Have another child or not??? I don't know about any other mothers out there but I think this woman below has a lot of issues. Either have one or not already! I think low self esteem is the issue here which is why some people are pushed to perfectionism fear of inadequacy...
Check out what she has to say and the comment from another mom that WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE with - a lot of wit in her response too..
Date:Thu. Mar. 20, 2008
My son is at the age where people are asking me (and sometimes him!) if Im thinking to have another. Quite frankly I have pretty rigid views of parenting (all informed by an overly academic approach to the subject) and because of these views I just cant 'wing it' and have a second. I work full time on non parenting issues (I specify this because quite frankly all moms work full time...just some of us have to squeeze a paying job into that one) and my husbands job doesnt pay enough for me to give up my job. So, this would mean daycare at 6 weeks or 3 months which is entirely unacceptable for me since Im a firm believer in attachment parenting. Aside from this issue lies an even deeper issue: fear of failure. I am such an overly obsessive parent that Im afraid if I have two I would never be able to meet their needs and would hence fail. Any advice from other perfectionists (or the more relaxed) would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
A little about me:
an older mom with lots of child experience but only one son who is three
Date:Fri. Mar. 21, 2008
First of all, if you only want to have one child, then that's just fine. Being an only child has its advantages. Just because someone asks you, "So, when are you going to have another?" doesn't mean that 1) you have to have another or 2) that you owe them a detailed explanation about why you may or may not want another one. Just smile vaguely and say, "Oh, when my partner and I decide what is best for our family." End of discussion.
About fear of failure: Just having only one is no guarantee of success or failure either! You can in no way predict the future and see how your little one may turn out despite (or in spite of) all your efforts. Not that I in any way want to encourage you to have another child if you really don't want one, but sometimes the best cure for an obsessive parent is to have a second child. You are forced to let go of all those silly notions of being the perfect mother. A relaxed mommy is a better mommy. And really, you need to tamp down your ego - you aren't a perfect mother now. No one is. We all do well in some areas and not in others. Such is human nature. Rigidity, obsessiveness, and blind adherence to parenting skills learned through books isn't exactly the recipe for being the perfect mother anyhow. On top of that, being an obsessive parent will drive your kid crazy eventually.
I can't figure out if your problem is an enormous ego or low self-esteem. Either way, take comfort in the fact that about a bazillion women before you have had more than one child and managed to turn out very fine human beings. Again, I don't recommend having a second if you really don't think you'd enjoy it, but having a sibling also has huge advantages for the existing kid. Just a tip -- it isn't always a good thing for a child to be doted on, given undivided attention, or obsessed over. Learning to share (attention, toys, chores, etc.) is a good thing.
Every mommy with only one child has thoughts along the lines of, "How on earth will I manage a second one when the first one takes up all my time?" But it really isn't that hard and will be enriching to everyone involved. If you want a second one, you will find your way.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Monday, May 05, 2008
A Day in the Park
This is one of the first nice days this year so I took the kids to the park and we had some fun!!
Saturday, May 03, 2008
My Work Out Incentive... LOL!!
I am so unmotivated to workout which is so unlike me. I am in a funk.... Maybe because I am not getting any. What does a single mom have to do to get some quality companionship?? LOL!!
The Biggest Experiment
I wish I had more readership. "The Herd" needs to know that we are the subjects of a great experiment that toys with our food sources on the fundamental level: genetically. Please click the link on this post as it will explain in frightening detail how the pesticides have been genetically encoded into our food. CORN, SOY, WHEAT and other grains that are used in almost EVERYTHING!!!!!!
The US is the ONLY developed country that DOES NOT REQUIRE LABELING OF THE PRODUCTS CONTAINING THESE PRODUCTS!!!!
My son has allergies to peanuts, eggs and dairy. I have a cast iron stomach and although I may have expected for him to have maybe eczema or even asthma because I have both (although I acquired asthma through a lung infection so it is not really clinically asthma). This level of allergies in unheard of in my family medical history. Between my unwitting consumption in-vitro of GMO products, male predisposition to genetic problems (known fact men have a harder time with little self protections) and the immunizations I am afraid I contributed to his acquisition of these medical problems.
I admit I was a little slow on the draw as far as the immunizations were concerned but I noticed that he changed after the 9 mos shots and I did a little research because I had to make of what the hell was going on... I should have noticed earlier when he got the 3 mos shots because that is when the allergies began to present themselves. I was a little slow though because although he is not my first, my daughter is going on 13 yrs old and with her I fed her Earths Best (back when NO ONE knew about it and I had to go all the way to East Village to purchase it!).
Who I am most upset with is his doctor. Although I read the literature on the shots, NOWHERE DID IT SAY - MAY CAUSE AUTISM OR SEVERE ALLERGIC REACTIONS TO ORDINARY FOODS!!
MAYBE BECAUSE THE ORDINARY FOODS ARE NO LONGER ORDINARY.....
The US is the ONLY developed country that DOES NOT REQUIRE LABELING OF THE PRODUCTS CONTAINING THESE PRODUCTS!!!!
My son has allergies to peanuts, eggs and dairy. I have a cast iron stomach and although I may have expected for him to have maybe eczema or even asthma because I have both (although I acquired asthma through a lung infection so it is not really clinically asthma). This level of allergies in unheard of in my family medical history. Between my unwitting consumption in-vitro of GMO products, male predisposition to genetic problems (known fact men have a harder time with little self protections) and the immunizations I am afraid I contributed to his acquisition of these medical problems.
I admit I was a little slow on the draw as far as the immunizations were concerned but I noticed that he changed after the 9 mos shots and I did a little research because I had to make of what the hell was going on... I should have noticed earlier when he got the 3 mos shots because that is when the allergies began to present themselves. I was a little slow though because although he is not my first, my daughter is going on 13 yrs old and with her I fed her Earths Best (back when NO ONE knew about it and I had to go all the way to East Village to purchase it!).
Who I am most upset with is his doctor. Although I read the literature on the shots, NOWHERE DID IT SAY - MAY CAUSE AUTISM OR SEVERE ALLERGIC REACTIONS TO ORDINARY FOODS!!
MAYBE BECAUSE THE ORDINARY FOODS ARE NO LONGER ORDINARY.....
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Joseph Can TALK MAN!!!
He has been talking and walking at alarming rates I haven't even been able to keep up! I have decided to just get it all down for posterity's sake because he is just becoming a little boy in front of my eyes! NO longer the little baby who waited and cried to get what he wants; he now demands it with words like "stop that" and "eat-eat"!!
Full List
Thank you
Stop that
Eat-eat
Hi
Hello
Gone-Gone (with a little wave - he refuses to say bye-bye for now but the concept is the same as far as he's concerned once you leave your gone!)
Cracker (for his snacks-not the other meaning I WOULD NOT teach him that...lol)
He sings Mary J Blige's "Fine" chorus with the whooo on the end! ( No I was not listening to it adnauseum!-lol just a lil bit though)
Come here
Yeah
Oh-oh (when he drops or throws something down)
Uh-uh (for no and when he doesn't want any more food)
All gone
Hot (when he gets near the stove and when I am cooking)
Full List
Thank you
Stop that
Eat-eat
Hi
Hello
Gone-Gone (with a little wave - he refuses to say bye-bye for now but the concept is the same as far as he's concerned once you leave your gone!)
Cracker (for his snacks-not the other meaning I WOULD NOT teach him that...lol)
He sings Mary J Blige's "Fine" chorus with the whooo on the end! ( No I was not listening to it adnauseum!-lol just a lil bit though)
Come here
Yeah
Oh-oh (when he drops or throws something down)
Uh-uh (for no and when he doesn't want any more food)
All gone
Hot (when he gets near the stove and when I am cooking)
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Flicks and Pix!!
The break free kid! Joseph wiggled his way out of the swaddling!
Sink baths are the best!
Cool Pose
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Babyshower Pix Finally Added!!!!!
Here are some photos of the baby shower... me, the cake & my pins...
I have been AWOL and I know I suck for it. But it is grading time and I am WIPED OUT! I can hardly concentrate for all the things I have to do. Maybe I am taking on too much (my m.o.) but I just finished one class and started another this past Saturday and because of my hand being injured I cannot write in class, grade papers and be on the blog too!!!! I can only do the necessary things in short spurts of time so this has definitely feel to the wayside...
Next week I am going to upload some photos of me from my babyshower its Novemeber 12th. I haven't linked the camera up to the computer so that will be done this week and the photos from the babyshowerwill be on the site next weekend.
The shower is going to be GREAT! I can't wait. It will be in NY and with all of my family and old friends from NY and college invited; it will be a great party even if I don't get a thing!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, August 04, 2006
If you look closely you can see that he was moving!
I didn't notice it until my best male friend said that they were all different...
I thought that they were all alike but we went out for lunch the same day I got it done and I was so excited I didn't look that closely.
He is very active and above average wieght as far as Baby Center says he should be 5 oz but he is 7 oz which is encouraging.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
So.... I had a sonogram...
IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so happy that my intuition is still in tune. His name will be Joseph Christopher Langston Wallace. Yes, that is 3 names. Tihira has three as well. Tihira Rael Angelina Turrell.
I may name him Christopher Joseph Langston but he is named after my grandfathers that are no longer with us (Joseph & Langston). I didn't get to know at all (Langston) and one I loved (Joseph). My daughter is named after my grandmother (she was born on her birthday!!) and herself (lol).
He is so active it is ridiculous! He would not be still for the songram and the tech kept trying to get me to turn over on my left side because she thought he might calm down and change his position. He didn't!!
He was (is) in breech position stepping all over my internal organs mind you and wiggling all about. I read on one of my many websites that the movement is the baby learning about thier surroundings and helps create brain connections critical to their intellectual development ---- I guess he is going to be a genious!!!!!!!
IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so happy that my intuition is still in tune. His name will be Joseph Christopher Langston Wallace. Yes, that is 3 names. Tihira has three as well. Tihira Rael Angelina Turrell.
I may name him Christopher Joseph Langston but he is named after my grandfathers that are no longer with us (Joseph & Langston). I didn't get to know at all (Langston) and one I loved (Joseph). My daughter is named after my grandmother (she was born on her birthday!!) and herself (lol).
He is so active it is ridiculous! He would not be still for the songram and the tech kept trying to get me to turn over on my left side because she thought he might calm down and change his position. He didn't!!
He was (is) in breech position stepping all over my internal organs mind you and wiggling all about. I read on one of my many websites that the movement is the baby learning about thier surroundings and helps create brain connections critical to their intellectual development ---- I guess he is going to be a genious!!!!!!!
Saturday, July 22, 2006
So, Why a "Second - Time" Single Mom???
Trust and believe this was not a planned pregnancy. If it were left up to me, I wouldn't have any more children for another 3-4 years but I was careless and in my moment of indiscrestion, conceived a child.
Choices, choices one might say, but I made a promise to myself and to my God that I would not have another abortion (yes another- I said it!), that I would protect myself and if I failed at protecting myself, I would be responsible for the situation and life that I create.
That leaves me where I am today. Although I wish the circumstances were different, I know that things will work themselves out the way they should because I believe and have faith that they will.
No, they are not by the same father. No, I am not "with" either father. Yes, I know that this is probably going to be the most difficult undertaking of my life alone. Even with my first born, her dad was there and still is the best way he can, but the new life will have to probably go without his/her dad because of the situation and their (the father's) perception of what is going on. He would like to play the blame game and of course I am the one to blame because I can make this all go away with a trip to the Dr's office. Regardless of how that trip will leave me trippin' and perhaps slippin' into a deep depression. He feels the world revolves around him and his needs which is why we weren't actually together at the time of conception.
- It was one of those Luther moments ala "Rock Me Tonight For Old Times Sakes..." kind of thing that got out of hand when it came time for protection on both parties ends.
Needless to say, (or perhaps I should anyway) I love my child preconception and will never love them any less because of the circumstances they came to be. As the bible says we are all born of sin - some just a little more than others...
Trust and believe this was not a planned pregnancy. If it were left up to me, I wouldn't have any more children for another 3-4 years but I was careless and in my moment of indiscrestion, conceived a child.
Choices, choices one might say, but I made a promise to myself and to my God that I would not have another abortion (yes another- I said it!), that I would protect myself and if I failed at protecting myself, I would be responsible for the situation and life that I create.
That leaves me where I am today. Although I wish the circumstances were different, I know that things will work themselves out the way they should because I believe and have faith that they will.
No, they are not by the same father. No, I am not "with" either father. Yes, I know that this is probably going to be the most difficult undertaking of my life alone. Even with my first born, her dad was there and still is the best way he can, but the new life will have to probably go without his/her dad because of the situation and their (the father's) perception of what is going on. He would like to play the blame game and of course I am the one to blame because I can make this all go away with a trip to the Dr's office. Regardless of how that trip will leave me trippin' and perhaps slippin' into a deep depression. He feels the world revolves around him and his needs which is why we weren't actually together at the time of conception.
- It was one of those Luther moments ala "Rock Me Tonight For Old Times Sakes..." kind of thing that got out of hand when it came time for protection on both parties ends.
Needless to say, (or perhaps I should anyway) I love my child preconception and will never love them any less because of the circumstances they came to be. As the bible says we are all born of sin - some just a little more than others...
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Pregnesia!!
Pregnesia- this is a condition that pregnant women get that causes severe amnesia and the inability to focus or concentrate on anything for more than 5 min. Kind of like ADHD but more like a preocupation with things internal and nesting and other background tasks your mind does to maintain the life of the baby...
I have a SEVERE case of this disease!!!! I actually lost my digital camera. I have NO IDEA where it could be but I know I had it in my house and I hid it from myself when I was cleaning up. I know what your thinking - maybe someone stole it...
Only my soon to be born child's father has been here. Hmmmm.. you might say, (my girlfriend said "you better watch his ass you never know") why not him? but I just don't think he would stoop that low.
I misplaced my MJB cd and for weeks I could not find it anywhere! I just knew he had taken it and thrown it out of the window (he hates her - lol - hey wait a minute that should have been a clue to his character right there - EVERYBODY LOVES Mary!!) but I found it in the cd case of another damn cd - where I put it cleaning out the car....
The other day, I sat down the phone and for the life of me didn't know where the hell it was, guess where??
....the linen closet.
I am offically a space cadet.
yep pregnesia strikes again.
Pregnesia- this is a condition that pregnant women get that causes severe amnesia and the inability to focus or concentrate on anything for more than 5 min. Kind of like ADHD but more like a preocupation with things internal and nesting and other background tasks your mind does to maintain the life of the baby...
I have a SEVERE case of this disease!!!! I actually lost my digital camera. I have NO IDEA where it could be but I know I had it in my house and I hid it from myself when I was cleaning up. I know what your thinking - maybe someone stole it...
Only my soon to be born child's father has been here. Hmmmm.. you might say, (my girlfriend said "you better watch his ass you never know") why not him? but I just don't think he would stoop that low.
I misplaced my MJB cd and for weeks I could not find it anywhere! I just knew he had taken it and thrown it out of the window (he hates her - lol - hey wait a minute that should have been a clue to his character right there - EVERYBODY LOVES Mary!!) but I found it in the cd case of another damn cd - where I put it cleaning out the car....
The other day, I sat down the phone and for the life of me didn't know where the hell it was, guess where??
....the linen closet.
I am offically a space cadet.
yep pregnesia strikes again.
Silly Names!!!
I just realized that have posted very little about my growing belly!!I am showing just a lil bit but my sisters have taken to calling "the belly" - "lil eddie"!!
My mother is so appalled it is ridiculous!!!!!!!
My cousin (who is like 40 or so) just has a son and she calls him "lil eddie". I think that is why mother is so mad. She hates it!!
LOLOLOLOLOL... So of course the two right after me call him that more! My youngest sister said she would call "the belly" "lil joe-joe" instead after I told her I will name him Joseph Langston after my two deceased grandfathers.
At first she said "Langston!! EWHHH!!" I am going to call him that "hey lil langston" in a really irritating voice. LOL she is so silly...
I just re-read and realized that I am calling this baby a boy, I hope that if it is a girl she doesn't feel any kind of way about that...
I just have a feeling that it is a boy though and my sister (the one who is the prayer warrior and psychic) says she thinks so as well - she said she just knows and I believe her.
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